Loving You is Like Breathing
by SunFlowerViolinist
Summary: It is eight years into the future. Callie crash lands back into his life after four long years. Will they be able to forgive past mistakes? Or will they crash land harder than they did before?
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own The Fosters.**

There was a stack of bills on her kitchen counter, a half empty container of orange juice and one lonely slice of pizza sitting in her fridge, an empty box of pop tarts sitting on the counter, and that postcard of Stanford tape to the wall right next to the picture of the only real family they ever really had. She worked two jobs during the day, played all those trashy bars at night, just trying to save up enough to make his dreams come true. But, everything she got one step ahead life seemed to take her two steps back. That's why she needed this to work. She needed this to work for Stanford. After all this was her one shot to make something of herself. Her one shot to give her brother a decent life. She knew that this wouldn't work in her heart. She was missing a piece … a very important piece of the puzzle. So, she drove. She drove for three days, pulling over and sleeping in the backseat of the car when her eyes got to heavy. She drove praying every second that the old beat up truck would make it all the way. She drove through eleven states. She drove through all the old memories. She drove through forty five missed calls. She drove through a hundred possibilities of what could happen once she finally got where she was going. She drove through two weeks' worth of pay and one pawned ring. But, she knew it was all worth it. That was until she was staring at the gold painted number 43 on a door in a building that made hers look like a dumpster. She braced herself for the worst as she gave herself on more ounce of courage and knocked on the door.

Years are supposed to change a person. They sure changed her, but he seemed just the same. Granted there were a few more years visible on his face, those eyes stilled showed the pain that she put him through, but he was still the nice naïve boy he was when they met. His smile gave he some hope that the past can be the past. "Callie." He breathed as he looked up and down her. She felt like crying when he wrapped his arms around her in a hug.

* * *

He didn't have to worry about the lights being shut off, he could fill his refrigerator with enough food to feed him and his poker buddies, he had a shining new piano sitting in the middle of his living room, but the comforts were never enough for him. Her pictures still hung on his walls along with a postcard from New York City, on the back she had simply wrote: we are okay. He wondered if that was the truth for a while, but he figured after he didn't hear any more things were probably going great out there for her. That was until she showed up at his door. He could tell that things weren't okay as she stood there. She seemed just as helpless as she did that night they went to get Jude all those years ago. On the other hand she was back. She came back for him. He didn't know what to think, but he knew this much he missed her so much. He missed holding her in his arms like this. He missed the way her hair felt in his hands. He missed the way she smiled. He missed the life they had together. "Your back." He whispered as he let go and looked into her eyes. She just sighed as she looked at me. She was back and she needed something.

"Can we talk?" She asked as she looked into the apartment. I just nodded and moved aside letting her in to the apartment that we should have been sharing. If she stayed I could have gave her so much more than she ever thought about having. "Wow, you have come a long away from that fifth floor walkup." She said as she looked around the room.

"Well, there comes a point where having lawn chairs in your living room is no longer whimsical and just really creepy." He said as he watched he glare at his piano. He knew what she was thinking, she worked double shifts for a month to buy him the first one and he just went and replaced it. What else did he replace then? If only she knew how much it broke him to get rid of that old piano. He never thought she would come back.

"I guess so." She said as she turned to look at him. He could tell she was about to say something when there was a knock at the door. What great timing he thought as he went to the door to see Toby and Ryan. He knew they were coming over for their Thursday night 'poker' night. Which typically was Toby passed out on the sofa as Ryan and him watch whatever game happened to be on. At least it had been that way since Rachel (Toby's wife) had the twins two months ago. "I will just go." She said as she headed towards the door. He didn't have time to stop her before he had time to process anything she was out the door. He just looked at his friends.

"Don't wreck my place." He said before he ran out the door.

* * *

She was stupid for coming here. She should have stayed gone it would have been better for both of them. She just pressed the down button on the elevator over and over again. "Come on." She said as she kept pushing the button. She needed out of here. Finally, the doors opened up. She let herself lose it once she was safely alone in that elevator. Was Stanford worth this pain? She knew it was. She would sell her right arm, if she could make Jude's dreams come true.

When the doors opened up he was standing there out of breath, he must have ran down the stairs like a manic to beat her down here. "Why did you come here?" He asked her as he stood there in front of her.

"I need you to come to New York." She answered. "This record company wants to sign me, but I know that I am not enough. If I want to succeed I need you." She said as she looked at the ground. His face dropped she knew that. He thought she was coming back to unite their broken family.

"Oh." He just sat there looking so disappointed.

"Jude got into Standford, this is my only chance of being able to pay for it. He works twice as hard as the other kids his age and with everything we have been through… everything I put him through he deserves this." She explained. She didn't want him to think she was just some devil. "I will just figure something else out." She said as she started to walk away.

"I can't just let you leave again!" He yelled out after her. She just looked at him and her heart sank. She loved him. She always would.

"Brandon I still can't give you everything you deserve." She said as she looked at him. "Everything you want so bad. I just can't do that. And if we act like I can, we will both just get hurt again." She knew her pain was coming through her shaky words, but she didn't care at that moment in time.

"It was such a hard thing, dealing with everything back then. But, if I knew that I would have lost you over it, I would never have pushed you so much." He said as he reached out for her. "I will always love you Callie. I will always love Jude. We are a family." He said as he looked at her. "So, yeah I will go to New York. I will help you." He said as he leaned in and kissed her head. "I will always be here for you."

**A/N: I want to hear what you have about this chapter. I hope you liked it. Follow RebelISforever on Twitter for previews of the chapters as I write.**

**~ Sunflower**


	2. Chapter 2

_The rain was pouring outside of her window as she looked at the bag that she was packing. It was hard to believe it had been two years already. She loved being with the Foster's, but she promised Jude they would have their own little family. Now that she was eighteen she could start the process of getting custody of him. What a way to spend your eighteenth birthday … packing a duffle bag… knowing that you are leaving the only real family you been a part of. She had a job at a diner across town and a tiny little apartment waiting for her. Jude would be here for a little while longer, but she was sure Steph and Lena would let him visit often. It was all going to work out for once._

_There was a knock at the door. She turned around to see him standing there. He was holding a cupcake with pink icing in his hand. She just laughed as she looked at him. "I thought I would go simple." He said as he walked into the room and handed her the cupcake. "But I do have one trick up my sleeve." He said as he pulled out a candle and a lighter from his pocket. _

"_That's your pocket not your sleeve." She said just to be a smartass as he placed the candle on the cupcake and lit it. As soon as he did so it started to play the birthday song. She couldn't help, but laugh as she tried to blow the thing out and it just wouldn't go. _

"_Here let me help you." He said as he leaned in and looked into her eyes. "On my count … one…two…three." He said before they both blew. Sure enough the flame went out. It may not have been the first time they made a good pair, but it was the first time they both realize that a great pair they could be. The cupcake dropped to the ground as they found themselves leaning in more, letting their lips touch first, then their arms wrap around each other. She had heard people talk about fireworks, about magic, but she never felt it before. It was clear to both of them this…this moment…was just the beginning. And if they got the wish they made on that silly candle they would never have an ending. _

If only she knew what a mess their relationship would end up as, she might have been smart enough not to fall so hard for him. As soon as that thought left her mind she knew that wasn't true. She looks over at him sleeping in the passenger seat and knows that she wouldn't want to miss out on the truly great moments that they shared. There were so many great moments… it almost makes all the pain worth it. She glanced at the clock as she turned the radio on. She always found the middle of the night peaceful. Out here it was just the road and her right now and she could get used to that. It was how things were supposed to be anyways. She was always going to be a runner, she knew that. Some things just don't change after all. She tried not to think about what she was doing. She tried not to think about who was setting next to her. She just focused on the road and the music playing from the radio.

The signs started about an hour out. They brought back the memories. She couldn't help, but think about a time that Vegas was the closest she had been to the east coast. That time they let thoughts fly out the window with her feet dangling out there too. She tried to fight all those memories off… then that song started on the radio. It made her want to slam her head into the steering wheel now, but back then they just laughed. She don't know why she did it … call it insect, but she reached down and turned the radio even louder.

_He just smiled over at her as he laughed. They were just having an intense conversation about not having a song and then boom this song comes on. She just stuck her tongue out at him as she tapped on her lap to the beat. "And he ill, he real, he might got a deal, He pop bottles and he got the right kind of bill, he cold, he dope, he might sell coke, he always in the air but he never fly coach." She blurted out, trying to keep up with the music the best she could. His no stop laughter was making it hard. _

She thought she was alone. She thought it was just her and the old memories driving the highway of pain. That was until she heard the 'sleeping' being next to her mumble something before he looked right at her. "What is with this song?" He asked as he looked at her. He must of seen the tears because his angry tone turned into laugher as he listened to the song for a moment before he smiled and opened his mouth. "That's the kinds dude I was lookin foe' and yes you'll get slapped if you looking hoe, I said excuse me you're a hell of guy, I mean m-m-my-my your like pelican fly…" It felt like old times. It felt like the good times again and she couldn't help, but to smile. She thought the moment was over and he was going to shut up. But, he kept going. Smiling and laughing as much as they did the night before. "I mean you so shy and I'm loving your tie, you're like slicker than the guy with the thing on his eyes, oh, yes I did, yes I did…"

"Somebody please tell him who the f I is, I am Nicki Minaji I them Dudes up, back coupes up then, chuck the deuce up…" She jumped in like he did all those years ago. She couldn't take her eyes off him. He was still Brandon…it was hard to believe that a moment from so long ago could feel so close to her right now.

"_Boy you got my heartbeat running away, Don't you hear that heartbeat coming your way?" She sang along as she took his hand and placed it on her heart. He just smiled at her for a moment before taking a hold of her hand. _

"_You do realize that we have a song now?" He asked as he looked at her with a goofy smile. God, she loved that goofy smile so much._

"_No, Brandon that does not count." She said as she looked at him and then out the window towards the bright lights of Vegas coming into view. _

"_I am sorry Callie Foster, but Super Bass is now and will forever be our song." He replied with a laugh keeping a hold on her. She just looked over at him and laughed. _

"_You are so lucky I love you. Or that would be a deal breaker Mr. Foster, after all you haven't tied me down yet." _

She just reached down and turned the radio off as she pulled off the highway and drove towards the Vegas strip. "I think it is time for us to switch off. I am … I am having trouble keeping focused on the road." She said as she looked at the steering wheel.


	3. Chapter 3

It was his stupid ideal to stop for the night. It was his stupid mouth that said they would share a room, when only one was open. It was his stupid eyes that watched as she signed the papers the manager handed her. It was his stupid mind that couldn't get the name she signed out of his mind. He was sure that her new life came with a new last name. After all it isn't hard to go and change your name, papers or no papers. Does it mean something that she kept it, or did she just do it for Jude. He looks over at her as she sits in a chair across from him looking out the window. She was scribbling in some beat up notebook. It was different than the one that she used to keep by their bed, but he was sure it had the same ideal behind it. She didn't even look up at him, when she spoke up for the first time since they had been in the room. "Go ahead and ask about it?" That's when her eyes hit him. "I can tell you're over there just racking your mind about it. You seem to forget that I know you better than anyone else. So, ask about it." She said as she stared her down. He was hesitant. He knew that the answer would never be what he wanted it to be.

"Fine, I will bite. Why didn't you change your name back? It's pretty clear that you don't want to be a Foster anymore." He said as he looked at her. The words coming from his mouth brought all the pain she caused when she left back to the surface. She slammed the notebook down as she got up.

"No, don't pull that Brandon. Just because I couldn't sit and act like we were a happy little family anymore. Just because I couldn't be your wife anymore that does not mean I don't want to be a Foster anymore." She spat as she started to pace around in front of him. Here it was. The blow out that was bound to happen after four long years. "I promised Jude a family and as a Foster I was able to give him that. He deserves something to hold on to." She was crumbling apart he could tell that. But, after four years he just needed to get it all out. They both did for them to get any farther.

"Jude…everything that we had, you were so willing to throw it away, but the name you did that for Jude. Everything in your life doesn't have to be about Jude! You know that!" His voice just kept getting louder as he saw the tears start to run down her face. She just started shaking her head as she fell on to the bed with him.

"I kept the name for Soapie." She said as she looked down at her hands. The nickname drove a knife through his heart. He should have known it was all going to come back to this. "If I go back to Jacob, I lose a connection with her. Okay. And I don't have anything else." She said as she looked at him. "She was a Foster. So, I will always be a Foster."

"Is that why you won't file for divorce?" He asked as he moved closer to her. Fighting back his own tears. She just hung her head for a moment.

"No." She replied. "It's not the money either. If I wanted to I would come up with the money." She added as she looked at him. He had no doubt that she would find the money some way. "I said I couldn't be your wife anymore, not that I didn't want to be. I couldn't make us work." She mumbled as she looked into his eyes.

"It was just two years. We barely even tried to make it work." He said as he placed his hand on the side of her face. He touched his forehead to hers before whispering "I know we had some extremely rough times, but look at us. We came out of it alive and we are here." He could tell his words changed something for a moment. She even smiled for a moment, but then it disappeared.

"I can't. Nothing has changed Brandon. I still can't complete your perfect family. I can't give you everything you need." She said as she looked up at him. "Don't say that we can try again, because I can't bring myself to do that. I can't go through the pain again. I can't. We can't." She said as she got off the bed.

He reached out for her arm. "I won't push you this time. When it is time, we have other options." They were so close to making some sort of peace. He could feel it.

"It's not the same." She said as she walked towards the door. Some things never change. Callie spent her life perfecting the art of leaving and now it seems to be the only thing she knows.

* * *

There was a pay phone in the lobby. She was suddenly glad that she didn't give into the Twinkie that was starring her down in the vending machine when she pulled her change out of her pocket. She dialed a familiar number and prayed that she got an answer. The phone rang and rang and rang before he voice came on the other line saying "You have reached Callie and Jude, leave a message if you are important. Telemarketers hang up now."

She looked around the room as she started to speak into the phone. "Jude, it's me. I am in Vegas right now. Don't worry about me. Brandon is with me. We both know that he will make sure I make it home. I am hoping to be home soon. But, Brandon insisted that we stayed here tonight. I love you little bro." She said before she hung up the phone. She looked at the other coins in her hand before she placed another on in and dialed another number.

"Hello." The voice on the other line was a comforting voice. She just took a moment before she said anything. Bracing herself for the reply that was sure to come.

"Steph, it's Callie." She said as she turned to face the front desk.

"I should have been expecting this call. Jude called me earlier in the week, told me you took off for California leaving nothing but a note behind. Don't you think that you are a little too old to just run again? What is Jude supposed to do for himself? Why would you just leave him in that big old city by himself?" Steph never lost her charm. Once her kid, always her kid. Or at least that was how it was with Callie and Jude.

"I went to Los Angeles to get Brandon." She breathed before she clearly heard the phone on the other line.

"Where are you now?" Steph's voice was more excited and fanatic than before.

"We are in Vegas. Don't get your hopes up. We aren't getting back together. I mean he wants to work things out, but I don't think that I can." She said softly trying to make sure that her conversation was just that … her conversation. Not the noisy managers.

"Callie you know as well as I do that you still love him. It's been so long, maybe you guys can work everything out now?" That would be a mother for you. Trying to tell you what is for the best.

"Look I am on a pay phone. I just wanted to let you know that I am okay. Tell Jude I will be home soon if you hear from him." She said before she hung up the phone. She sat outside thinking about what could be if she did try again? It's not like there wasn't still major feelings there. They were too young when they dove headfirst into this relationship. They didn't just take things fast … they freaking could when the Indy 500 how fast they went. Maybe time was just want they needed. Maybe, but then again there was so much pain. How do you get over that?

She stopped beating herself up about the time the sun was starting to come up. She just trekked her butt back to the room. He was sitting on the bed wide awake watching the television. She didn't say a word as she climbed on top of the bed. She was turning to face away from him when she stopped herself. She placed her head on his chest. He didn't say anything just stroked her hair as he moved so slowly to lay down, making sure that he would not deserve her before reaching up and turning the light off. They didn't have to talk. They knew that. This in itself spoke more than any words could.


End file.
